it's like falling when you try to fly.
Profile
 |
nineteen
4MINUTE!, BEAST!
Tag
Links
Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
carine
clara
geraldine
gloria
grace
hongxi
huitong
lauren
sherli
xueli
yanyin
yeeling
yinghan
yunteng
clara
geraldine
gloria
grace
hongxi
huitong
lauren
sherli
xueli
yanyin
yeeling
yinghan
yunteng
Friday, January 07, 2011, 11:27 PM
it's not the goodbyes that hurt, it's the flashbacks that follow.
a new year has arrived. time to wake up. although till now some things still haunt me, but more or less i've learnt to keep one eye closed, & im in the process of coming to terms with them. probably i still need time. or maybe i can never get over it. but whatever it is, im thankful for everything. everything that has happened, allowing me to see who really are the ones there for me. who are the ones worth me being there for, 无条件的付出. the beginning of 2010 wasnt really a good start for me. things started crumbling. i had no choice but to give up a lot of my time for some obligations i thought they would understand. but i realised no, they didnt. obviously it hurt a lot & it still does every now and then. but there seems to be no way out of it anymore. here i am trying hard to piece things back together, but i dont know if they feel it. i had the urge to tell her every single thing that made me close up. but i fail everytime. & everytime, it wasnt a good time. perhaps it's cos i hesitated too much that's why it turned out like that. do you really understand what im going through now? i feel i totally lost her. everytime i want to try to make things better, i see something that makes me retreat. i tell everyone she's my best f. but does she feel that way too. i dont know. perhaps it has been that way before. but not anymore. people i speak to always tell me that i should just be contented things are the way it is now & i should try to make things work. how on earth am i supposed to do so when she's not planning to receive on the other end & here i am trying hard. especially when she doesnt even know the truth. the truth about how the whole thing came about. why was there even a lie in the first place. everything started snowballing & imagine going through it for years. i hate myself for being so contradicting & i hate struggling to keep things going. it sucks.
5Sep, i lost someone i love. i still cant get over it. we couldnt feel the pain he was undergoing but we all rooted for him. i did my part, though i felt it wasnt enough. he taught me to be contented with whatever i had. & there is never an end to comparisons. he brought us all together. & we will be. i just wanna say, i really miss you, my beloved uncle.
still, i dont mind giving my all. just that it's too tiring sometimes.
Saturday, July 24, 2010, 4:42 PM
crap
feeling so uncool right now. messed up shit.